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How Should a Person Be?: A Novel from Life Paperback – June 25, 2013
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Chosen as one of fifteen remarkable books by women that are shaping the way we read and write in the 21st century by the book critics of The New York Times
"Funny...odd, original, and nearly unclassifiable...unlike any novel I can think of."―David Haglund, The New York Times Book Review
"Brutally honest and stylistically inventive, cerebral, and sexy."―San Francisco Chronicle
Named a Book of the Year by The New York Times Book Review, The New Yorker, San Francisco Chronicle, Salon, Flavorpill, The New Republic, The New York Observer, The Huffington Post
A raw, startling, genre-defying novel of friendship, sex, and love in the new millennium―a compulsive read that's like "spending a day with your new best friend" (Bookforum)
By turns loved and reviled upon its U.S. publication, Sheila Heti's "breakthrough novel" (Chris Kraus, Los Angeles Review of Books) is an unabashedly honest and hilarious tour through the unknowable pieces of one woman's heart and mind. Part literary novel, part self-help manual, and part vivid exploration of the artistic and sexual impulse, How Should a Person Be? earned Heti comparisons to Henry Miller, Joan Didion, Mary McCarthy, and Flaubert, while shocking and exciting readers with its raw, urgent depiction of female friendship and of the shape of our lives now. Irreverent, brilliant, and completely original, Heti challenges, questions, frustrates, and entertains in equal measure. With urgency and candor she asks: What is the most noble way to love? What kind of person should you be?
- Print length320 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPicador
- Publication dateJune 25, 2013
- Dimensions5.4 x 0.85 x 8.2 inches
- ISBN-10125003244X
- ISBN-13978-1250032447
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.
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Editorial Reviews
Review
"Heti’s prose is dark and perceptive...[There is] a sense that she is drawing from a deep well, and that this will not be her last major book." ―The New York Times (The New Vanguard: Remarkable Books by Women That Are Shaping the Way We Read and Write Fiction in the 21st Century)
“Funny...odd, original, and nearly unclassifiable...unlike any novel I can think of.” ―David Haglund, The New York Times Book Review
“Brutally honest and stylistically inventive, cerebral, and sexy.” ―San Francisco Chronicle
“One of the bravest, strangest, most original novels I've read this year.” ―Christopher Boucher, The Boston Globe
“A vital and funny picture of the excitements and longueurs of trying to be a young creator in a free, late-capitalist Western city.” ―James Wood, The New Yorker
“A book that risks everything...Complex, artfully messy, and hilarious.” ―Miranda July
“A really amazing metafiction-meets-nonfiction novel.” ―Lena Dunham
“It is easy to see why a book on the anxiety of celebrity has turned the author into one herself.” ―The Economist
“A seriously strange but funny plunge into the quest for authenticity.” ―Margaret Atwood
“Boldly original...Gorgeously rendered.” ―NPR
“Bawdy, idiosyncratic...The title makes me quake with envy. All good books should be called just that.” ―Chad Harbach
“A significant cultural artifact.” ―LA Review of Books
“Original...hilarious...Part confessional, part play, part novel, and more--it's one wild ride...Think HBO'S Girls in book form.” ―Marie Claire
“How Should a Person Be? teeters between youthful pretension and irony in ways that are as old as Flaubert's Sentimental Education...but Ms. Heti manages to give Sheila's struggle a contemporary and particular feel...How Should a Person Be? reveals a talented young voice of a still inchoate generation.” ―Kay Hymowitz, The Wall Street Journal
“I read this eccentric book in one sitting, amazed, disgusted, intrigued, sometimes titillated I'll admit to that, but always in awe of this new Toronto writer who seems to be channeling Henry Miller one minute and Joan Didion the next. Heti's book is pretty ugly fiction, accent on the pretty.” ―Alan Cheuse, NPR's All Things Considered
“Heti's craft never fails…Novels are supposed to grab one's attention, and Heti's wonderfully baggy, honest and affecting book does exactly that.” ―New Orleans Times-Picayune
“Not the kind of book that comes along often. It's highly quotable, funny, shocking, anxiety-inducing and, finally, inspiring… It is undeniably of the moment, a blueprint of how to be lost in the Internet Age.” ―Thought Catalog
“Heti knows what she's doing--much of the pleasure of How Should a Person Be? comes from watching her control the norms she's subverting.” ―Michelle Dean, Slate
“[A] breakthrough novel...Just as Mary McCarthy's The Company She Keeps (written at the same age) was an explosive and thrilling rejoinder to the serious, male coming-of-age saga exemplified during her era by Sartre's The Age of Reason, Heti's book exuberantly appropriates the same, otherwise tired genre to encompass female experience. How Should a Person Be?'s deft, picaresque construction, which lightly-but-devastatingly parodies the mores of Toronto's art scene, has more in common with Don Quixote than with Lena Dunham's HBO series "Girls" or the fatuous blogs and social media it will, due to its use of constructed reality, inevitably be compared with…Like [Kathy] Acker, [Heti] is a brilliant, original thinker and an engaging writer. ” ―Chris Kraus, LA Review of Books
“If you're not already reading Sheila Heti's second novel How Should A Person Be?, you should be. Heti's rousing, unapologetically messy, beautifully written, insightful and provocative book explores the frustrations and rewards of female friendship, and of trying to make art as a young woman in the 21st century...Heti is doing something very exciting within the form of the novel.” ―Jezebel
“Heti excels at developing a cast of engaging, colorful and flawed characters.” ―Willamette Week
“Enlightening, profoundly intelligent, and charming to read....It reflects life in its incredible humor--and in some of its weird bits that might be muddled or unclear...with anxiety, hilarity and lots of great conversation.” ―Interview Magazine
“There are no convenient epiphanies in Sheila Heti's newest book How Should a Person Be? Instead there are several intertwined, grinding and brilliantly uncomfortable ones that require the reader to shed a few dozen layers in the service of self-discovery...She may depart from broad harbors, but she is an analytic zealot, never imparting trite one-liners or excusing herself. Reading her is an act of participation, discomfort and joy.” ―SF Weekly
“Lena Dunham loves this novel…A fresh spin on friendship, art, sex, and philosophy in five acts. And the prose, often taking the form of a numbered list, is always engaging.” ―Daily Candy
“[Heti creates] one of the most personable antiheroes ever...Her tone can be earnest and eager to please, flippant and crass, terribly lucid and darkly funny...Her tortured self-deprecation can read a little like Violette Leduc's, and her poetic bluntness sometimes reminds me of Eileen Myles, but these authors come to mind mostly because, like Heti, they have written about women with unusual detail and feeling. Heti truly has a startling voice all her own, and a fresh take on fiction and autobiography's overlap.” ―Bookforum
“Oh crap. I don't know how to begin talking about Sheila Heti or how good she is. People will say How Should A Person Be? is reminiscent of Patti Smith's Just Kids or Ann Patchett's Truth & Beauty and both of these things will be true. But I am still reeling from the originality of this novel. There are passages here so striking, to read them is to be punched in the heart.” ―Sloane Crosley, author of How Did You Get This Number
“The book's form is fluid and unpredictable… [and] the architecture gives the prose a circular, easy feeling, even though Heti is taking a hard look at what makes life meaningful and how one doesn't end up loveless and lost. It is book peopled by twentysomethings but works easily as a manual for anyone who happens to have run into a spiritual wall.” ―Sasha Frere-Jones, The Paris Review
“Utterly beguiling: blunt, charming, funny, and smart. Heti subtly weaves together ideas about sex, femininity and artistic ambition. Reading this genre-defying book was pure pleasure.” ―David Shields, author of Reality Hunger
“[A]n unforgettable book: intellectually exacting, unsettling in its fragility, bodily as anything painted by Freud, experimental yet crafted as hell, and yes, very funny.” ―The National Post
“Sheila Heti's novel-from-life, How Should a Person Be?, was published in Canada in 2010, but won't be out in the US until next June. Watch for it – it's great.” ―Chad Harbach, author of The Art of Fielding
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Picador; Reprint edition (June 25, 2013)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 320 pages
- ISBN-10 : 125003244X
- ISBN-13 : 978-1250032447
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 5.4 x 0.85 x 8.2 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #274,542 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #3,256 in Women's Friendship Fiction
- #7,595 in Contemporary Women Fiction
- #15,610 in Literary Fiction (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Sheila Heti is the author of eight books, including the critically acclaimed "How Should a Person Be?" and the New York Times Bestseller, "Women in Clothes" (edited with Heidi Julavits and Leanne Shapton). She is the former interviews editor at The Believer magazine, and has been published in The New Yorker, McSweeney's, The Paris Review, n+1, The London Review of Books, and more. Her work has been translated into a dozen languages. She lives in Toronto.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book insightful and worth reading for young women. However, opinions differ on the writing style, plot, and thought-provoking content. Some find the writing interesting and easy to read, while others find certain parts difficult to understand. The plot is described as interesting and odd, with thoughtful anecdotes and musings. While some readers appreciate the thought-provoking side of things, others feel the narrative lacks depth and self-indulgence. There are mixed views on the humor, with some finding it funny and sharp, while others consider it vulgar and cruel. The style is also described as interesting and artistic, though some readers felt it was dry and unimaginative.
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Customers find the book insightful and worth reading for young women. They say it offers a unique perspective on female friendships in the 20s. However, some readers mention that the book is inconsistent and difficult to read.
"Difficult to read but worth it. To me it was a book about female friendship. I feel like we don't have enough of those so it was a nice surprise." Read more
"...relationship between Sheila and Margeaux showed great insight into 20 something girl friendships and the role they play in finding yourself...." Read more
"...marketed as appealing to 20-somethings, but I think it is worthwhile for all adults (I'm middle-aged)...." Read more
"Touching, hilarious, a unique look at female friendship. Every young woman should read this book." Read more
Customers have different views on the book's readability. Some find the writing interesting and enjoyable, describing the author as smart and a good writer. Others found parts difficult to read, with a difficult protagonist and topics that didn't make sense.
"...This book is smart, often funny, and easy to read casually...." Read more
"...Sometimes it is very jarring, and disruptive to the reading process, but it is one of the most memorable aspects of this book...." Read more
"...Despite these complaints, the text itself is well-written. Heti is excellent at crafting a descriptive visual and distinctive character personalities." Read more
"Difficult to read but worth it. To me it was a book about female friendship. I feel like we don't have enough of those so it was a nice surprise." Read more
Customers have different views on the plot. Some find it interesting and relatable, with thoughtful anecdotes and ideas explored. Others find it boring, chaotic, and self-absorbed ramblings.
"...I'll never know. Setting aside the fact that it is 300-odd pages of truly tragic writing, I think you can consider it as what leotards were to the..." Read more
"...For the most part, it's interesting although it doesn't fully answer the question of how should a person be...in this case, how should a person who..." Read more
"...on How should a person be, and I found myself having to read a very chaotic narrative about the life of a very uninteresting person...." Read more
"...I find her storytelling and candid contemplation about life,values, and relationships very intriguing and inspiring...." Read more
Customers have different views on the book. Some find it thought-provoking, with thoughtful anecdotes and musings that explore important questions. Others describe it as self-indulgent and jarring, with silly observations.
"...There were so many options. This is a rambling, sometimes insightful, sometimes boring account of her life in Toronto hanging out with her friend,..." Read more
"...about life,values, and relationships very intriguing and inspiring. There were many times that I stopped to highlight and share a quote to myself...." Read more
"...Sometimes it is very jarring, and disruptive to the reading process, but it is one of the most memorable aspects of this book...." Read more
"...way of specific, practical life advice, she provides something more thought- and action-provoking...." Read more
Customers have different views on the humor in the book. Some find it humorous and unique, with sharp sarcasm. Others find it vulgar, dull, unimaginative, and lacking humor. They also mention gratuitous sexual assault and cruelty.
"...This book is smart, often funny, and easy to read casually...." Read more
"...It's cheesy, pretentious, self-indulgent crap under the guise of "bravery" and being "artfully messy"...." Read more
"...This book has some raw, funny, wise moments (more at the beginning than later on) so if it was 150 pages instead of 300 it would be a very good book...." Read more
"...The self-abnegation, self-hatred, cruelty, masochism and re-enforcement of male stereotyping were really heavy handed and had that sense of "falsity..." Read more
Customers have different views on the style. Some find it interesting and creative, with a descriptive visual and distinct characters. Others feel it's too artsy and whiny for their tastes, with trendy and tacky elements.
"...Heti is excellent at crafting a descriptive visual and distinctive character personalities." Read more
"...I think you can consider it as what leotards were to the 80s -- trendy, tacky, and unnecessarily revealing...." Read more
"...eyes of a scattered, somewhat neurotic young woman, and does so very creatively...." Read more
"...A hipster-nihilist fantasy" Read more
Customers have different views on the character personalities. Some find them authentic and fallible, while others find them unlikable, self-centered, and difficult to empathize with.
"...A very sensitive writer, with talent, weak personality yet, analysing hereself and the world arround from her lonely, clueless, SELF... For me, what..." Read more
"...The characters are alive with personality and voice that functions more like hearing an actual conversation with a friend rather than reading some..." Read more
"...The protagonist is a self absorbed opportunist that doesn't seem to be constrained by anything except her own whims...." Read more
"...No sense of plot, story, and no likeable characters whatsoever. I am an avid reader and I never do not finish a novel...." Read more
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on March 12, 2013Sheila explores her title question to such honest lengths that one cannot help but sympathize and root for her quest. The characters are alive with personality and voice that functions more like hearing an actual conversation with a friend rather than reading some constructed conversation from a narrator's mind. That may be because they were real and in that reality we can see the insecurity and uncertainty we always face, but never admit. The idea being everyone acts normal, so we all feel alone in our awkwardness.
As we see her explore and struggle against how to be a person, we too can relate and struggle so that in the end we can experience the truth that she experiences. As she learns to be a person, we too can learn to be a person.
A true Bildungsroman, but intended for adults, to cope with society, the relationships there-in, and what it means to be human among all that confusion.
- Reviewed in the United States on April 28, 2018hmmm....how should a person think of this novel? For the most part, it's interesting although it doesn't fully answer the question of how should a person be...in this case, how should a person who is trying write a play be. I love that she is asking though.....it's a question I asked of myself when I was a searching twenty year old. How should a person be?? There were so many options. This is a rambling, sometimes insightful, sometimes boring account of her life in Toronto hanging out with her friend, Margaux, and their very specific focus on art....the making of art, the meaning of art, their artsy friends, etc. It's an unexciting life other than some aggressive sex thrown in. Heti seems to be downplaying everything, almost trying to make her life uninteresting and at the same time wishing to be famous, as she's come to the realization that is how a person should be. It's odd but original.
- Reviewed in the United States on April 8, 2019How should a person be?
Initially, I thought that this book was some sort of scholarly outlook on the philosophy of man. I expected a breakdown of the most vital characteristics a human should possess, and how to obtain them. But this book was nothing like that. In fact, it's very difficult to even put this book into a category at all. Is it a biography? Is it a memoir? Is it a self-help book?
I know that it is technically categorized as a novel, but even that is debatable to some aspect. The format of the writing can switch from what seems to be a stream of consciousness, to dialogue written like a play script, then to a more traditional format that is commonly seen in novels all in one chapter. Sometimes it is very jarring, and disruptive to the reading process, but it is one of the most memorable aspects of this book.
Now, for the content of the book, I don't even know where to start. If I had to describe the book in one sentence I would say, "A book that follows the complicated relationship between two friends who subsequently learn life lessons through their poor choices and artistic endeavors."
Although I do think that this sums up the general idea of the book, trust me there is so much more to it. Really, the only way you'll find out is if you read it. The book is an interesting experience that you may hate or love. Currently, I'm somewhere in the middle of the two, but I would say if you are into quirky memoirs, with blunt and vulgar language, give it a try.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2015How did this book get on the New York Times list? I'll never know. Setting aside the fact that it is 300-odd pages of truly tragic writing, I think you can consider it as what leotards were to the 80s -- trendy, tacky, and unnecessarily revealing. It feels like the author is that horrible acquaintance that constantly invites herself to dinner, gets way too drunk and faster than anyone at the table, and will loudly defend 50 Shades of Grey as great feminist literature without any prompting. It's a knock-off version of this "confessional writing" trend but replacing honesty and openness with self-deprecating, manipulative tricks by stringing one false epiphany after another. It's cheesy, pretentious, self-indulgent crap under the guise of "bravery" and being "artfully messy".
Since this was recommended to me by a close friend, I've tried to get into it. But this morning, reaching the of the crest of this pathetic, self-inflicted misogyny, I threw my hands up and left it on the bus. Hopefully someone will put it to use as toilet paper. In summary, I only spent $4.95 on this book but still think it was way overpriced. Do yourself a favor and skip it. So many other, better, writers out there.
Top reviews from other countries
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Monica SanchezReviewed in Mexico on October 26, 2018
5.0 out of 5 stars Mi libro favorito 2018
Es una novela espectacular, toca temas fuertes y nos pone frente al espejo de nuestra propia vida. Tiene humor, inteligencia y es tan adorable que se puede leer en muy poco tiempo. Quisiera saber que mas paso con los personajes y me sentia parte de ese grupo de amigos. El mundo intelectual puede ser un mundo solitario, pero leyendo a Heiti me senti acompañada. Gracias
- PatReviewed in the Netherlands on February 2, 2017
1.0 out of 5 stars not the greatest book
I saw a recommendation somewhere online and gave it a try. It starts interestingly, funny and insightful, and then it becomes a different book - depressing and I couldn't wait to be done with it. One star, because I only enjoyed about 20%.
- JuliaReviewed in the United Kingdom on July 4, 2015
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic novel for any 20 something figuring out life
A fantastic book! I really enjoyed Heti's style - honest, quirky and with a novel angle to life. Also liked the characters very much and could relate to them, which made the novel even better.
- TheodoreStreetReviewed in Canada on December 9, 2013
5.0 out of 5 stars I see what all the fuss is about
Somehow I stumbled upon this book a couple of years after the hype -- so perhaps this book is now in the tail end of its lifecycle. I very much like the way way the author was able to create a narrative based on her real life problems. My main criterion was whether the book grabbed me. There was definitely an engaging quality, and I sympathised with the author's quest. I've tried to write memoirs and creative bits based on real life experience, but it is very tough to pull off. I get bogged down after about 20 pages, and I stop -- not without emailing the work in progress to a lengthy distribution list. Too much information I suppose, but Sheila figured out a structure and some interesting topics to keep the story moving along. It's kind of like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance without so many prerequisites and complications, without all of that longing for America and all the despair. I must say something about Sheila and felatio. It's not sex, is it? Yeah as Bill Clinton would say. It's just a form of conversation. How are you? Should I keep going or should I stop? Well, after reading the library copy twice and I bought a couple of copies of the paperback. I'm sold. It's very good. My faith and interest in literature has been restored.
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Alexander Hoffmann-kuhntReviewed in Germany on April 20, 2015
5.0 out of 5 stars Fast wie Miranda July
Ein Buch über das ich bei der Suche nach Miranda July gestolpert bin: die wirbt auch auf dem Cover.
Und: es lohnt sich. Eigentlich besteht das Buch aus vielen Einzelteilen, Erzählungen von Gesprächen in einem amerikanischen Intellektuellen-Milieu, in dem dann die großen Themen im lockeren Gespräch angesprochen werden. Dazwischen zum Teil aberwitzige Ich-Perspektive-Teile, in dem auch über die ganz großen Themen (Ich/ Sex/ Herkommen/ Welt) räsoniert wird. Dann einige Psalmodien, (zum Beispiel das Gebet an den Penis) die zwar im einzelnen wahnsinnig krude sind, insgesamt aber ein Buch ergeben, das Wucht hat, sich selbst alles traut und dabei alles ernst nimmt. Viel gewagt als Autorin, ich finde es gut.